Radu Cotescu's professional blog

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Java and Chuck Norris

  • Chuck Norris serializes objects straight into human skulls.

  • Chuck Norris doesn’t deploy web applications, he roundhouse kicks them into the server.

  • Chuck Norris always uses his own design patterns and his favorite is the Roundhouse Kick.

  • Chuck Norris could use anything in java.util.* to kill you, including the javadocs.

  • Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your web app will turn into a swing application; and a very bad swing application containing lots of icons of human skulls.

  • Chuck Norris demonstrated the meaning of Float.POSITIVE_INFINITY by counting to it, twice.

  • A synchronize doesn’t protect against Chuck Norris; if he wants the object, he takes it.

  • Chuck Norris doesn’t use javac, he codes java by using a binary editor on the class files.

  • Chuck Norris’ java code never needs to be optimized. His code is so fast that it broke the speed of light during a test run in Sun’s labs killing 37 people.

  • When someone attempts to use one of Chuck Norris’ deprecated methods, they automatically get a roundhouse kick to the face at compile time.

  • The java.lang package originally contained a ChuckNorris class, but it punched its way out the package during a design review and roundhouse kicked Bill Joy in the face.

  • Chuck Norris never has a bug in his code, EVER!

  • Chuck Norris doesn’t write code. He stares at a computer screen until he gets the progam he wants.

  • Code runs faster when Chuck Norris watches it.

  • Chuck Norris’ binary edited classes ignore Java bytecode verifier.

  • Chuck Norris’ methods don’t catch exceptions because no one has the guts to throw any at them.

  • Chuck Norris will cast a value to any type just by staring at it.

  • If you get a ChuckNorrisException you’ll probably die.

  • Chuck Norris is the only one who can use goto and const in Java.

  • Chuck Norris can compile Java code in .NET Framework, obviously just by staring at it.

  • Chuck doesn’t need to catch an Exception because Java is afraid of the “flying tornado kick” at the moment it throws

  • Chuck Norris’ code can roundhouse kick all other Java Objects’ privates

  • Java visibility levels are public, default, protected, private and “protected by Chuck Norris”, don’t try to access a field with this last modifier!

  • Chuck Norris eats JavaBeans and Roundhouse Kicks JavaServer Faces!

  • Chuck Norris can divide by 0!

  • Garbage collector only runs on Chuck Norris code to collect the bodies.

  • Chuck Norris code uses agressive heap natively

  • Every single line code of Chuck Norris runs in real time. Even in a multi threading application.

  • When a CPU loads a Chuck Norris class file, it doubles the speed.

  • Chuck Norris can execute 64bit lenght instructions in a 32bit CPU.

  • Chuck Norris implements “Indestructible”. All the other creatures implement “Killable”.

  • Chuck Norris only program Java web applications to get a .WAR in the end.

  • Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a Java class very hard. The result is known as a inner class.

  • Chuck Norris can do multiple inheritance in Java.

  • JVM never throws exceptions to Chuck Norris, not anymore. 753 killed Sun engineers is enough.

  • Chuck Norris doesn’t need unit tests because his code always work. ALWAYS.

  • Chuck Norris extends God.

  • Chuck Norris’ workstation has so much memory and it’s so powerful that he could run all java applications in the world and get 2% of resources usage.

  • Chuck Norris codes generics since 1.3.

  • Chuck Norris’ classes can’t be decompiled… Don’t bother trying.

  • Chuck Norris can make a class that is both abstract and final.

Thanks to methegeek.com.


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